It's a no-brainer

no-brain.er
n. Informal
         Something so simple or easy as to require no thought.

That's what sleeping separately is for some people - an activity/decision/event/behaviour that requires a minimal amount of thought when deciding if it's for them.

I have spoken with three couples recently who practice 'sometimes separate sleeping'. Each couple spoke about sleeping apart for about 2-5 night a week for the same singular purpose - so they can sleep.

Well that's a no-brainer!!

Let me break it down to clarify why they think it's a no-brainer.

• They have trouble sleeping with each other
• They want to feel rested and ready to function properly at their job the next day or to look after children
• They go to separate beds so they can get the sleep they need

What? There's no more I hear you ask?

No..... it's a no-brainer!

In fact, the couples I spoke to describe it as a logical, sensible, rational, practical, commonsensical and pragmatic(le) decision, and one they are all so glad they have made. It's part of their life and does not equate to how successful or happy their relationship is - it just keeps them sane and functioning.

Every individual eventually works out what keeps them sane. It's probably an activitiy that they do alone, that gives them the time out they need to refocus and regroup. Without a level of calm and balance, life can become sub-optimal and who wants that?

Here is a random, hastily-prepared list of stuff that I can think of that people do to bring back the balance in their life. (I did look at a lot of websites that talked about inner peace, clearing the mind, letting go of 'energy drainers', aligning one's chakras and things similar, and while there's nothing wrong with lining those chakras up if it helps you get through the day - no judgement here - I tend to live a more practical life, so here's what I think people do).

What I know is that people run, play team sports, become engrossed in a book (probably 50 Shades of Grey at the moment), play with children or pets, do craft or art, surf the web, do a sudoko or crossword, visit their friends, have a glass or 5 of wine, meditate, do yoga, go to the beach, go to the movies, lock themselves in their room, make a cake, clean the family silver, or.............................................. fill in the space if your sanity activity hasn't been listed - because there is no way I can list all the stuff people do to find some sanity when life runs on the hectic side.

So if there is an endless list of activities that help us humans get our grip back, why is spending the occasional night away from a loving, but possibly annoying partner who stops you from sleeping, any different?

Well, of course, I don't think it is.

I think it's a no-brainer.

So next time you are lying next to the person you love the most and they are snoring, thrashing, teeth grinding, reading, iPad-ing or stealing your sheets and blankets.... all I can say is that there is a 

if you want it.

O bed! O bed! delicious bed! That heaven upon earth to the weary head.

What do you do in your bed?

Not such a simple question. Beds are more often than not a space more than just a place to sleep.

If you think back to your teens, were there times you lay on your bed and thought about your latest crush, read a book, wrote in your diary or read a secret letter?

For most people their bed is not just a utilitarian furniture installation for sleeping. Although, I concede that this may indeed be the case for a minority of people. I feel sorry for these folks.

Why? Because there is a degree of 'haven' to a bed, and I guess that's why I value my own bed even more so.

No-one has any control over what happens in my bed. I can choose everything about my bed with sheer indulgent selfishness. 

I choose:

• what colour my sheets and doona cover are
• how warm or cool the bed will be
• how many pillows are on the bed during the day
• and the night
• who is given permission to visit
• and who isn't
• where I will sleep on the bed each night
• what I do in the bed - sleep, read, think, stare at the ceiling, cry, chat on the phone, browse the net, play games on my phone

So am I horribly selfish because I don't want to give any of the above up? I don't know if I care that I am or am not. I'm certainly not trying to sound all tough, insolent and broody, just honest.

I recently spoke to a friend who, at the end of a conversation, said "I've got something to tell you". Talk about ominous! Talk about how MANY thoughts can race through my brain in approx 2 seconds!

Her revelation was that her husband and her had moved to separate rooms after quite a few years of marriage (don't know the exact figure, but their oldest is about 19).

Without too many details, she spoke mostly of the bliss of having her own space for the first time since she was a daughter living at home. I'm going to guess about 30+ years ago. When telling me about the new arrangements the tone of her voice lightened and her adjectives became excited and happy.

Knowing my thoughts on the subject, she was very excited to tell me about the move.

Knowing my thoughts on the subject, I was even more excited to hear her tell me about the move.

It's not that I advocate and encourage people to sleep apart, it's just that I could hear the happiness in her voice and could relate to every aspect of what she was telling me. It's knowing that there is another person out there who can understand a little more of how I feel that gives me confidence in my own decision and my ongoing pursuit of normalising the behaviour.

PS - She said their sex life is better now. I say I've got one word for that - 'Yay!!"