What would you do if your partner told you that they would break up with you if you didn't sleep in the same bed with them? This is a partner who snores loudly, has restless legs, and keeps you awake night after night to the point that you are physically and mentally falling apart.
I interviewed a lady recently whose most recent relationship ended because her partner refused to even consider sleeping in separate rooms. She described him as being very conservative and always following the 'right path' and this right path for him was that 'men and women in a couple share a bed every night'. Why? Because "that's what they do".
The norms and traditions that were ingrained in him from his family (who knows how many generations back) did not allow him to consider a situation that was different, to the extent that he was prepared to walk away from an otherwise happy and functional six year relationship.
I find that absolutely fascinating.
The fact that he could not conceive of a solution that would enable him to continue to be with the woman he loved, simply because of what he had been told was the 'right' thing to do when in a relationship with a woman.
The definition of a tradition is that it is a ritual, belief or object passed down within a society, still maintained in the present, with origins in the past. The word 'tradition' itself derives from the Latin tradere or traderer literally meaning to transmit, to hand over, to give for safekeeping.
Can't you just imagine the words and actions of this man's father that were so influential that they resonated so strongly for so many years?
Traditions can have such a dominating force over people that they blind them to logic and good sense and dictate behaviours that ultimately can be destructive.
I guess there is the practice of many traditions that may lead to the eventual break down of relationships. Where and how you celebrate Christmas, the attention given to a person on their birthday, the importance given to a particular sport, or sporting event - all of these activities can carry with them years of practice and behaviours that can ultimately put pressure on a happy couple. I am sure (if anyone is reading) that people would have many examples of either their own family, or someone they know.
I've never been one for traditions myself - not simply for the sake of having them anyway. I certainly don't let traditions define me if the definition is at odds with where I stand as an individual.
Traditionally, part of the criteria that judges western couples as being 'successful' are such behaviours as spending celebrations together, holidaying together and the list goes on....... especially to include, sleeping in the same bed together.
The lady interviewed is now happily in another relationship, if not altogether happy that she found the need to be in a new relationship. She told me she will never share a bed again as she so cherishes her bed and bedroom as her own.
I must agree that that's a tradition I can support!
02 November 2011
28 September 2011
s....e....x....
I was interviewing a person for the book last week and towards the end of the interview she asked if I was going to ask her about sex. Was I interested in her and her husband's sex life in the context of them having separate rooms?
Well yes, I was - but I was a little hesitant to ask. I'm still getting comfortable with my interviews but plan to come right out and ask the question next time round.
I must admit, that when the topic of sleeping separately arises, so often, so do the questions about sex.
As I am at pains to point out, couples who are choosing to sleep separately aren't doing so because they don't like each other or are angry with each other, it's a practical solution to a practical problem (broken record noise inserted here). So there is still a physical attraction to your partner and you still want to have sex with them.
Keeping a sex life exciting between a long-term couple has spawned a library of books and self-help columns. There are some basics that we have learned and one of these is to try and keep your sex life exciting by not just relying on slipping in to bed every night and hoping the partner is keen to 'get it on'.
Long term couples often fall out of nude sleeping, sexy lingerie, scented candles and dimmed lights and more into practical sleep wear and a plethora of less-than-sexy habits and 'add-ons' they gather around them as they get older.
If this clip from the movie 'Date Night' resonates, you get what I mean.
The Ask Men website - written for men, by men (I assume) - even advocates sleeping separately to spice up your sex life in the article 'The Argument for Separate Beds'.
(This is the first overly male focussed discussion on the topic I have found - I'm thrilled.)
So let me answer the questions. I can confidently provide the answers based on my own experience, the experience of my co-author Sue, and the experiences of all seven couples we have interviewed to date.
Where does it happen?
In one of the beds, or in another location in the house - again, remember those early dating days.
When does it happen?
When you both feel like having sex - in the morning, the evening, the afternoon, etc etc, just like everyone else.
How is it instigated?
Probably more proactively seeing as you don't just expect to see your partner in bed every night. In fact, dare I suggest that it might even make the pre-sex stage a little more exciting as one of you has to instigate the event.
And does it happen?
Yes.
It's just s...e...x....
We've been doing it for years and ain't gonna let some little thing like separate beds get in the way.
Well yes, I was - but I was a little hesitant to ask. I'm still getting comfortable with my interviews but plan to come right out and ask the question next time round.
I must admit, that when the topic of sleeping separately arises, so often, so do the questions about sex.
- Where does it happen?
- When does it happen?
- How is it instigated?
Let's take a minute.
Close your eyes and remember when you first started having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Did you live together? Did you sleep in the same bed every night? Did you even sleep in the same bed any night?
My guess is that you didn't share a bed night after night, but you did manage to find a way to have sex with each other. As do separate sleepers.
As I am at pains to point out, couples who are choosing to sleep separately aren't doing so because they don't like each other or are angry with each other, it's a practical solution to a practical problem (broken record noise inserted here). So there is still a physical attraction to your partner and you still want to have sex with them.
Keeping a sex life exciting between a long-term couple has spawned a library of books and self-help columns. There are some basics that we have learned and one of these is to try and keep your sex life exciting by not just relying on slipping in to bed every night and hoping the partner is keen to 'get it on'.
Long term couples often fall out of nude sleeping, sexy lingerie, scented candles and dimmed lights and more into practical sleep wear and a plethora of less-than-sexy habits and 'add-ons' they gather around them as they get older.
If this clip from the movie 'Date Night' resonates, you get what I mean.
The Ask Men website - written for men, by men (I assume) - even advocates sleeping separately to spice up your sex life in the article 'The Argument for Separate Beds'.
(This is the first overly male focussed discussion on the topic I have found - I'm thrilled.)
So let me answer the questions. I can confidently provide the answers based on my own experience, the experience of my co-author Sue, and the experiences of all seven couples we have interviewed to date.
Where does it happen?
In one of the beds, or in another location in the house - again, remember those early dating days.
When does it happen?
When you both feel like having sex - in the morning, the evening, the afternoon, etc etc, just like everyone else.
How is it instigated?
Probably more proactively seeing as you don't just expect to see your partner in bed every night. In fact, dare I suggest that it might even make the pre-sex stage a little more exciting as one of you has to instigate the event.
And does it happen?
Yes.
It's just s...e...x....
We've been doing it for years and ain't gonna let some little thing like separate beds get in the way.
18 September 2011
Now I lay me down to sleep
Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day.
Friedrich Nietzsch
As I contemplate where I will take a Sunday afternoon nap, (due to very broken's night's sleep) I started thinking about human's need for sleep. This is a subject that I do tend to think about often, considering the amount of time I find myself writing about it lately.
For me, the primary and most dominant motivation for sleeping separately is my need for sleep. I create living nightmares for others when I don't get enough of it and have always watched all my mother friends with admiration as they carried on their lives while coping with the loss of sleep of due to babies and young children.
I thought I would share a few good websites I have come across recently that deal with the science of sleep - or more importantly the effects of the lack thereof.
The ASA is the peak scientific body in Australia & New Zealand
representing clinicians, scientists and researchers in the broad area of
Sleep.
Waking America to the importance of sleep
Australian Broadcast Commission (ABC) show Catalyst has put together a great range of videos that deal with the importance of sleep
An American site dedicated to research into sleep deprivation
I hope my very small readership might find something of interest to them.
11 September 2011
Flawed design
Sorry men - but the fact is you snore more than women. It's not your fault per se - it's a design flaw.
I am not suggesting that women don't snore at all, but I don't think I am too far out of line to say that it is men who do tend to be the high achievers in this activity.
In trying to find some hard evidence to back my bold statement, I found a great statement:
For those who have already picked up the rather questionable sentence construction and grammar usage, well done. Then I hope that the bold quoting of statistics has your heckles raised as mine were too. Yes - I think that the entry in the Softpedia website, may require a very healthy dose of scepticism, which is such a pity as the 'stats' are just the sort of hard-hitting justification I need for my book.
(The fact that the word 'research' in the paragraph preceding the stats leads to an online selling system really did cement my despair)
I then found a video called 'Street Doctors' and thought this might provide more credible information. Turns out Street Doctors did have a doctor.... but as for any sort of in-depth answers to the snoring battle of the sexes..... you make up your mind.
(You may also have noticed one of the compelling social issues that Street Doctors tackles is 'Is Sperm Nutritious?'. This may give away their commitment to dealing with the hard hitting medical issues of the day)
I did finally find a believable medical explanation for the higher incidence of men snoring that made sense, after repeated reading. Well, I'm sure it would have made a little more sense if I had some 'Anatomy 101' in my academic repetoire.
This entry is written by a doctor - Dr Steven Y. Park MC - on his eponymous website. Dr Park's 'mission' is to help treat breathing problems to give people a better quality of life. He seems legit - decent website, reassuring photo, and an easy to understand video of himself talking about medical procedures for snoring.
I wouldn't attempt to summarise his explanation for the increase in snoring for men, and encourage my readers to click here to see the detail. What did catch my eye though, was another explanation for why women are 'lighter' sleepers than men. Not only do we have to contend with hormonal interference in our ability to sleep but a smaller space behind our tongue means that we are prone to being aroused from deep sleep because of interference in our breathing.
So men are more susceptible to snoring due to a design feature and women are more susceptible to lighter sleeping due a design feature - both features working against the other and resulting in disturbed sleep for all.
And so we face another challenge when hopping in to bed with each other each night, and it's one we really don't have any control over - unless someone has found that warranty document to take back to the manufacturer.
I am not suggesting that women don't snore at all, but I don't think I am too far out of line to say that it is men who do tend to be the high achievers in this activity.
In trying to find some hard evidence to back my bold statement, I found a great statement:
More researchers have coincided that up to 80% of men snore at some time, double the number compared to women, and about 40% of them snore every night.
For those who have already picked up the rather questionable sentence construction and grammar usage, well done. Then I hope that the bold quoting of statistics has your heckles raised as mine were too. Yes - I think that the entry in the Softpedia website, may require a very healthy dose of scepticism, which is such a pity as the 'stats' are just the sort of hard-hitting justification I need for my book.
(The fact that the word 'research' in the paragraph preceding the stats leads to an online selling system really did cement my despair)
I then found a video called 'Street Doctors' and thought this might provide more credible information. Turns out Street Doctors did have a doctor.... but as for any sort of in-depth answers to the snoring battle of the sexes..... you make up your mind.
(You may also have noticed one of the compelling social issues that Street Doctors tackles is 'Is Sperm Nutritious?'. This may give away their commitment to dealing with the hard hitting medical issues of the day)
I did finally find a believable medical explanation for the higher incidence of men snoring that made sense, after repeated reading. Well, I'm sure it would have made a little more sense if I had some 'Anatomy 101' in my academic repetoire.
This entry is written by a doctor - Dr Steven Y. Park MC - on his eponymous website. Dr Park's 'mission' is to help treat breathing problems to give people a better quality of life. He seems legit - decent website, reassuring photo, and an easy to understand video of himself talking about medical procedures for snoring.
I wouldn't attempt to summarise his explanation for the increase in snoring for men, and encourage my readers to click here to see the detail. What did catch my eye though, was another explanation for why women are 'lighter' sleepers than men. Not only do we have to contend with hormonal interference in our ability to sleep but a smaller space behind our tongue means that we are prone to being aroused from deep sleep because of interference in our breathing.
So men are more susceptible to snoring due to a design feature and women are more susceptible to lighter sleeping due a design feature - both features working against the other and resulting in disturbed sleep for all.
And so we face another challenge when hopping in to bed with each other each night, and it's one we really don't have any control over - unless someone has found that warranty document to take back to the manufacturer.
05 September 2011
The Rules!
Sleeping separately from your partner is not all fun, freedom, and rolling around a queen-sized bed with gay abandon. Contrary to popular belief - it's not all beer and skittles!
Sleeping apart requires discipline and moral fibre - moral fibre being defined as 'the inner strength to do what you believe to be right in difficult situations'.
Sleeping apart from the man or woman you love can actually be a difficult decision. I'm yet to find one couple who doesn't have a level of angst about their decision to sleep separately. I think this is why people are so reluctant to talk about it - the feelings of unrest probably makes them feel there must be something wrong with them.
As mentioned in my previous post, a friend of mind has just returned to sleeping with her husband after 9.5 years apart and I can't wait to talk to her about what has changed for them and how they feel about sharing the space together again.
When my husband and I decided to sleep apart I cried. I felt a heavy sense of loss and a fear that the relationship would be harmed due to the absence of the intimacy experienced through sharing a bed each night. And in all honesty, I wanted to sleep with my husband - to cuddle him at night and in the morning, to lie next to him at night and in the morning and chat, and to just enjoy the presence of him next to me each night.
But 'alas and alack', it was just not to be.
When we realised we were destined for different geographical coordinates each night, we clung on to each other before sleep and immediately upon waking, and this is how our rules for separate rooms developed.
Rule 1
The last person up at night (normally me) has to go through to the person in bed and spend a little time with them. Depending on the circumstances, there can be lying in bed with them for a cuddle and a chat, but as a minimum, there is a kiss goodnight.
Rule 2
The first person up in the morning (normally my husband) must go through to the other person's room for a good morning kiss. If it is a weekend, then there is the added expectation that they will slip in to bed for a longer cuddle and maybe some more snoozing.
Rule 3
There is an interest taken in the other person's bedroom. This might manifest itself in helping to pick new furniture, helping the other person make their bed, or thoughtful gestures such as turning the other person's electric blanket on (mainly my husband doing that for me) when they are out in the evening.
Rule 4
The sex rule. Conjugal visits should take into consideration freshly washed sheets!
We are fairly strict with each other when it comes to the rules. They are vital to us to ensure we make the effort to maintain the physical contact that couples who share a bed may indeed take for granted.
Our rules connect us to each other around the daily event of sleeping - just the same as when we sit at the table with each other to have dinner.
Funnily enough my co-author Sue has a similar set of rules with her husband. Their rules and rituals were established a long time ago also, but we did laugh when we discovered how similarly we treated this aspect of our relationships. I do wonder how other couples who sleep separately address the gap left by sleeping apart when it comes to taking care of their relationship.
So we will keep 'playing by the rules'...... it's kept us in the game so far.
The last person up at night (normally me) has to go through to the person in bed and spend a little time with them. Depending on the circumstances, there can be lying in bed with them for a cuddle and a chat, but as a minimum, there is a kiss goodnight.
Rule 2
The first person up in the morning (normally my husband) must go through to the other person's room for a good morning kiss. If it is a weekend, then there is the added expectation that they will slip in to bed for a longer cuddle and maybe some more snoozing.
Rule 3
There is an interest taken in the other person's bedroom. This might manifest itself in helping to pick new furniture, helping the other person make their bed, or thoughtful gestures such as turning the other person's electric blanket on (mainly my husband doing that for me) when they are out in the evening.
Rule 4
The sex rule. Conjugal visits should take into consideration freshly washed sheets!
We are fairly strict with each other when it comes to the rules. They are vital to us to ensure we make the effort to maintain the physical contact that couples who share a bed may indeed take for granted.
Our rules connect us to each other around the daily event of sleeping - just the same as when we sit at the table with each other to have dinner.
Funnily enough my co-author Sue has a similar set of rules with her husband. Their rules and rituals were established a long time ago also, but we did laugh when we discovered how similarly we treated this aspect of our relationships. I do wonder how other couples who sleep separately address the gap left by sleeping apart when it comes to taking care of their relationship.
So we will keep 'playing by the rules'...... it's kept us in the game so far.
01 September 2011
Folk like me
As mentioned quite a few posts ago, I am in the early stages of writing a book about sleeping separately. The book will be co-authored with my dear friend Sue - who will be enticed into blogging one day soon.
After a recent, and most encouraging, meeting with Sally Collings - a published author and mentor at the Queensland Writers Centre - we are stepping up a gear and getting some more work done on the book. A large part of this work is interviewing people.
Faced with the prospect of finding interesting candidates to interview, I have been asking everyone I know, if they know of anyone who would be worth talking to about different sleeping behaviours.
This tactic has proven to be very worthwhile and I have some great interviews lined up:
I feel like I'm going to find a whole new bunch of 'homies'.
After a recent, and most encouraging, meeting with Sally Collings - a published author and mentor at the Queensland Writers Centre - we are stepping up a gear and getting some more work done on the book. A large part of this work is interviewing people.
Faced with the prospect of finding interesting candidates to interview, I have been asking everyone I know, if they know of anyone who would be worth talking to about different sleeping behaviours.
This tactic has proven to be very worthwhile and I have some great interviews lined up:
- a couple married for 50+ years who started sleeping separately as soon as their children left home, which was 30 years ago
- a girl whose relationship ended because her partner would not let her sleep separately - even though she could not share a bed with him because of snoring and restless legs
- a good friend who has just started sleeping with her husband again after 9.5 years - they have been married for 10 years
I feel like I'm going to find a whole new bunch of 'homies'.
18 August 2011
Once upon a time
In my late teens and early 20s the dream was pretty simple. In fact it was so simple, I couldn't believe why some of those 'older' folks made such a big deal about marriage and why their partner wasn't suitable any more, blah, blah,blah.... my path was clear. So clear it was positively sparkling.
It went something like this.
After having a whale of a time at uni, I would start my career and have some flings in my early 20s to sow my wild oats and gather a bit of experience in the relationship game. In my mid 20s I would find a wonderful, attractive, rich, caring (I could go on) man who would marry me at 26, take me travelling to exotic locations, share war stories with me from our fabulous corporate careers and then have me 'with child' just before my 30th birthday.
We would probably have three children, a mixture of genders. Our dinner parties would be legendary and our holiday home at the Sunshine Coast would ring long through warm summer evenings with the clinking of champagne glasses and the laughter of our dearest friends. Our house would be contemporary with the master bedroom being luxuriously spacious, repleat with walk in robe and a bathroom with his and hers sinks.
Mmmmm........ where did it all go wrong?
In hindsight, I think I may have shared the same fatally flawed life plan with a few contemporaries, and we possibly formed our misguided ideas from a montage of articles and advice columns patched together from Marie Claire, Cosmpolitan and a few other highly 'reliable' sources.
Back in those carefree, fantasy days however, sleeping with my partner was not an issue at all. In fact, I loved it. The thought of snuggling up to my boyfriend and being so naughty as sleeping nude, was a very exciting part of being in a relationship. Sneaking a night in a bed together was so daringly dangerous and, as we grew older, going away for a holiday together was enough to keep me giddy all week.
Until my early 30s, I would have looked with pity, at a middle-aged woman who couldn't and wouldn't sleep in the same bed as her husband. Freak, loser, weirdo, sad-o, old maid, mid-life crises lady! And yet here is where I find myself.
I don't however, feel as though I fit any of these labels. Such is the joy of growing older and caring less about the 'names that do not hurt me'. (I do care about the more brittle bones though and how they would break so much easier now from stray sticks and stones) (And any day now, I may just decided that I really don't need high heels any more and that flat shoes or ones with just small heels are all that is required in the wardrobe).
The blog To Love, Honor and Dismay has a great story and discussion about couples and sleeping. The comments on this blog post make for a great read and provide a wide ranging discussion about couples sleeping apart. There are supporters and dissenters of the practice, who both give compelling reasons for their stance on the subject.
And THAT'S THE POINT! There shouldn't be a 'one size fits all' approach to sleeping. As I have noted earlier, one great feature of the human race is that we are partly defined by our differences. We don't all like the same food and alcohol, don't all cheer for the same team or the same sports or like the same television shows. So why do we all have to like sharing a bed with someone? And if we don't like it - why is it so weird?
I've never heard someone foretell the end of a marriage because one person likes anchovies and the other doesn't. "Oh... they're having a half-and-half pizza. Must like different toppings - they'll never last ".
So my fairy tale life has turned out to have quite a different ending. I figure though that Snow White probably never counted on such a disastrous attempt to keep up with her fruit and veg intake, or house sharing with not two or three, but seven needy men - but she ended up where she needed to be.
And so have I - happily ever after.
It went something like this.
After having a whale of a time at uni, I would start my career and have some flings in my early 20s to sow my wild oats and gather a bit of experience in the relationship game. In my mid 20s I would find a wonderful, attractive, rich, caring (I could go on) man who would marry me at 26, take me travelling to exotic locations, share war stories with me from our fabulous corporate careers and then have me 'with child' just before my 30th birthday.
We would probably have three children, a mixture of genders. Our dinner parties would be legendary and our holiday home at the Sunshine Coast would ring long through warm summer evenings with the clinking of champagne glasses and the laughter of our dearest friends. Our house would be contemporary with the master bedroom being luxuriously spacious, repleat with walk in robe and a bathroom with his and hers sinks.
Here's what we looked like having fun in the garden on the weekend!
Mmmmm........ where did it all go wrong?
In hindsight, I think I may have shared the same fatally flawed life plan with a few contemporaries, and we possibly formed our misguided ideas from a montage of articles and advice columns patched together from Marie Claire, Cosmpolitan and a few other highly 'reliable' sources.
Back in those carefree, fantasy days however, sleeping with my partner was not an issue at all. In fact, I loved it. The thought of snuggling up to my boyfriend and being so naughty as sleeping nude, was a very exciting part of being in a relationship. Sneaking a night in a bed together was so daringly dangerous and, as we grew older, going away for a holiday together was enough to keep me giddy all week.
Until my early 30s, I would have looked with pity, at a middle-aged woman who couldn't and wouldn't sleep in the same bed as her husband. Freak, loser, weirdo, sad-o, old maid, mid-life crises lady! And yet here is where I find myself.
I don't however, feel as though I fit any of these labels. Such is the joy of growing older and caring less about the 'names that do not hurt me'. (I do care about the more brittle bones though and how they would break so much easier now from stray sticks and stones) (And any day now, I may just decided that I really don't need high heels any more and that flat shoes or ones with just small heels are all that is required in the wardrobe).
The blog To Love, Honor and Dismay has a great story and discussion about couples and sleeping. The comments on this blog post make for a great read and provide a wide ranging discussion about couples sleeping apart. There are supporters and dissenters of the practice, who both give compelling reasons for their stance on the subject.
And THAT'S THE POINT! There shouldn't be a 'one size fits all' approach to sleeping. As I have noted earlier, one great feature of the human race is that we are partly defined by our differences. We don't all like the same food and alcohol, don't all cheer for the same team or the same sports or like the same television shows. So why do we all have to like sharing a bed with someone? And if we don't like it - why is it so weird?
I've never heard someone foretell the end of a marriage because one person likes anchovies and the other doesn't. "Oh... they're having a half-and-half pizza. Must like different toppings - they'll never last ".
So my fairy tale life has turned out to have quite a different ending. I figure though that Snow White probably never counted on such a disastrous attempt to keep up with her fruit and veg intake, or house sharing with not two or three, but seven needy men - but she ended up where she needed to be.
And so have I - happily ever after.
10 August 2011
Timing and temperature
As winter turns through some early death rolls, the unseasonably warm days are still not enough for me to stop using my electric blanket. I LOVE my electric blanket. Slipping in between my sheets each night when they have been warmed to toasted-sandwich-machine proportions is, if you ask me, one of the great luxuries of life.
The colder winter evenings dictate that one side of the bed also must be left on a low heat setting to ensure snugness throughout the night. And that's the way I like to deal with the business of sleeping through a Brisbane winter. It is not however, how my husband copes.
For only the second winter, he too put an electric blanket on his bed. But, it is a blanket that is little troubled with the task of heating his sheets. Its controls are only troubled on very cold evenings and only to warm the bed up for entry.
Being a stock-standard human being who frames her reality through the lens of all that is my world and my perspective on the world, I cannot, for the life of me, 'get' the concept of wanting to slip between cold sheets on a cold night. But it turns out that my husband mostly does and he also does not share my love of the thermo-nuclear.
At a party last night, I spoke with a couple who shared that the man slept every night of the year with a fan on him. The lady pulled a face when she explained that she did not like it and was at pains to point out that the fan was only on him. They also shared that he is an early riser who often wakes her as he arises most days between 4-5am and she likes to sleep in. I listened with fascination, my mind churning with deep interest, and just a little jealousy that they continue to co-habitate a bed with such different needs in their sleep patterns.
I often listen to these types of conversations with varying degrees of jealousy. Are my husband and I that dysfunctional that we can't just put our differences aside and compromise enough to hop into the same bed every night like so many couples do? My jealousy's source is that if we tried harder, we too would experience that wonderful togetherness all the other co-sleeping couples do. But then, as often happens, the conversation continues into the fields of truth and reality and all my insecurities are allayed.
The lady in the couple then went on to say that she often sleeps in a spare room when the number of nights of broken sleep she has endured means she is starting to suffer at work and all those around her are suffering from her short fuse and muddled mind. When I heard this part of the story, my anxiety melts with global-warming speed and I again feel confident that we are making a good decision - albeit one that is pragmatic (and bordering on prosaic) and definitely not romantic.
However, as Elynor Glyn, the British novelist and scriptwriter who pioneered mass-market women's erotic fiction said "Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze" and really, who wants to walk around in a haze every day? Even golden hazes lose their lustre after a few days and if not dealt with can often turn into a stifling pall that becomes hard to navigate. Just ask the folk of Beijing or Mumbai in middle of summer.
So in my ongoing quest for normalising (see post below) I place another snippet of anthropological insight into the filing cabinet of 'Jenny', slip into the thermal delight that is my bed in winter, and look forward to a good night's sleep that will go a long way to clearly seeing the challenges of the next day.
13 July 2011
In sickness and in health
How on earth do couples share a bed when one of them is ill? Sharing a house is bad enough when one of you is less than 100%; but having the patience and skills to share a bed when winter illnesses arrive just mystifies me.
Last Monday evening I fell foul of viral pharyngitis. As well as sounding terribly deadly, the effects of the pharyngitis were indeed most deadly. In under two hours, I cascaded from being a picture of health to thrashing around in my bed, coughing up both lungs (and a few extra I didn't know I had), swallowing endlessly in an attempt to alleviate a burning throat and feeling terribly, terribly sorry for myself.
The complicating factor with being so sick, was that on Thursday evening, my husband and I were flying to Melbourne to celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary, so the last thing I wanted or needed was to be ill. But ill I was!
So as I lay in bed, close to death and thinking about phoning the ambulance (and not being overly dramatic at all), I was thankful that I didn't have to consider another body next to me, trying to sleep. When I gave up trying to sleep at about 1.30am, I was even more grateful as I turned out the light, grabbed the latest book and gave in to the fact that I was not going to be falling asleep at any point soon.
At 4.00am, when I was still awake, entertaining a myriad of irrantional thoughts and feeling as though evil spirits had entered my body, I could not stop praising Hypnos, the God of Sleep, for leading me down the path of the single sleeper.
Seriously!!! What does a person who shares a bed do, faced with this scenario?
I would be wracked with guilt if I kept my partner awake due to illness and I would be equally as cranky if I shared a bed with someone who kept me up all night with snorting, sniffing and late night reading. And I am sure that guilt is not good for getting better - too much adrenalin involved.
I do wonder how many others lie in bed feeling the guilt, or feeling the urge to kill, due to a sick partner. Further investigation is required.
Last Monday evening I fell foul of viral pharyngitis. As well as sounding terribly deadly, the effects of the pharyngitis were indeed most deadly. In under two hours, I cascaded from being a picture of health to thrashing around in my bed, coughing up both lungs (and a few extra I didn't know I had), swallowing endlessly in an attempt to alleviate a burning throat and feeling terribly, terribly sorry for myself.
The complicating factor with being so sick, was that on Thursday evening, my husband and I were flying to Melbourne to celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary, so the last thing I wanted or needed was to be ill. But ill I was!
So as I lay in bed, close to death and thinking about phoning the ambulance (and not being overly dramatic at all), I was thankful that I didn't have to consider another body next to me, trying to sleep. When I gave up trying to sleep at about 1.30am, I was even more grateful as I turned out the light, grabbed the latest book and gave in to the fact that I was not going to be falling asleep at any point soon.
At 4.00am, when I was still awake, entertaining a myriad of irrantional thoughts and feeling as though evil spirits had entered my body, I could not stop praising Hypnos, the God of Sleep, for leading me down the path of the single sleeper.
Seriously!!! What does a person who shares a bed do, faced with this scenario?
I would be wracked with guilt if I kept my partner awake due to illness and I would be equally as cranky if I shared a bed with someone who kept me up all night with snorting, sniffing and late night reading. And I am sure that guilt is not good for getting better - too much adrenalin involved.
I do wonder how many others lie in bed feeling the guilt, or feeling the urge to kill, due to a sick partner. Further investigation is required.
04 July 2011
Everybody's doing it!
Us humans like to know we are normal. Of course, the flaw in this need is that the definition of normal is reliant on so many uncontrollable variables. There's culture, age, gender, values, class.... etc, etc, that get in the way of finding our own 'normal'. I would like to think that sleeping in a separate bed from my husband has a 'normalness' to it and this, on deep reflection, is one of my key drivers for writing about the behaviour.
I am beginning to write a book about sleeping separately with a friend who also sleeps separately from her husband. Our need to have our own beds shares similiarities and has different motivations. However, we both experienced a certain level of joy when we first disclosed the details of our bed time realities to each other. I think that even knowing one other person shared my 'not so normal' behaviour, made me feel a little less abnormal.
I did know that other friends would sometimes - or often in some secret cases - sleep in a different bed to their partner, but I had not met someone who was a purposeful separate sleeper like me.
Sue and I have talked about our decision, and the implications of such, for a few years now, and as mentioned, have started to write a book. In researching our book we have discovered that there are quite a few famous folk that share our need to slumber solo. Some share the need for separate rooms and some go so far as enjoying a good relationship that exists across separate houses.
Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter quite famously have separate houses - albeit houses that have an adjoining corridor. Bonham Carter speaks quite fondly of how their arrangement allows them to enjoy their own domestic decorating styles and televison habits. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are rumoured to sleep apart due to Tom's snoring, and snoring apparently keeps Kevin Jonas, at the tender age of 23, apart from his wife of less than two years. And then there were the very extreme measures taken by Mia Farrow and Woody Allen who maintained separate apartments across New York’s Central Park for a number of years. Unfortunately, one might not consider that a great example, considering the outcome.
So to know that famous folk are 'doin' it too', just makes me feel that little more mainstream. Because if you consider the percentage of famous people to ordinary people, I figure there is some normalising in those numbers to help me justify in feeling confident that there are lots of couples out there who kiss each other good night each night, then hit a pillow in different beds.
I am beginning to write a book about sleeping separately with a friend who also sleeps separately from her husband. Our need to have our own beds shares similiarities and has different motivations. However, we both experienced a certain level of joy when we first disclosed the details of our bed time realities to each other. I think that even knowing one other person shared my 'not so normal' behaviour, made me feel a little less abnormal.
I did know that other friends would sometimes - or often in some secret cases - sleep in a different bed to their partner, but I had not met someone who was a purposeful separate sleeper like me.
Sue and I have talked about our decision, and the implications of such, for a few years now, and as mentioned, have started to write a book. In researching our book we have discovered that there are quite a few famous folk that share our need to slumber solo. Some share the need for separate rooms and some go so far as enjoying a good relationship that exists across separate houses.
Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter quite famously have separate houses - albeit houses that have an adjoining corridor. Bonham Carter speaks quite fondly of how their arrangement allows them to enjoy their own domestic decorating styles and televison habits. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are rumoured to sleep apart due to Tom's snoring, and snoring apparently keeps Kevin Jonas, at the tender age of 23, apart from his wife of less than two years. And then there were the very extreme measures taken by Mia Farrow and Woody Allen who maintained separate apartments across New York’s Central Park for a number of years. Unfortunately, one might not consider that a great example, considering the outcome.
So to know that famous folk are 'doin' it too', just makes me feel that little more mainstream. Because if you consider the percentage of famous people to ordinary people, I figure there is some normalising in those numbers to help me justify in feeling confident that there are lots of couples out there who kiss each other good night each night, then hit a pillow in different beds.
18 June 2011
Plug me in
My husband and I went away last weekend to stay with friends at Tin Can Bay. Sleeping away from home can cause some distress, not always knowing what sleeping options will be available for those of us challenged by bed sharing.
The option last weekend was two single beds in a room together. As I may have said, I would actually like to be able to share a bed with my husband and often wonder if it's possible. Could our self imposed nocturnal segregation become an abberation of our misguided, early forties? Well..... it seems not.
The first night was ear plugs in immediately! My husband can fall asleep quickly and - depending on his sleeping position and how tired he is - can begin snoring pretty quickly. I don't hold this against him as I know he would prefer not to snore - it's not something he chooses to do.
Truth be told, in the last few years I have begun to snore a little too. And it mortifies me.
Since my 'light sleeping' began I have searched far and wide to source the best ear plugs this troubled sleeper can get her hands on. Ear plug nirvana was found at snorestore. An online aladin's cave of ear plugs, specifically targetted at people who cannot sleep because of a snoring partner.
I could never had imagined how many ear plugs were available for us of the delicate sleeping constitution. My favourite feature of the website is that many earplugs are listed with the number of decibels they block out. The store also offers ear plugs specifically designed for women, who do tend to be the gender most affected by a snoring partner.
However, I wonder if the Snorestore will ever develop ear plugs for the partners of the following folk.
Jenny Chapman has the honour of being the loudest British female snorer and has been recorded snoring at 111.6 decibels. And another brit - a man called Alan Myatt - has been recorded snoring at 112.8 decibels. To give you a point of comparison any sound over 85 decibels can be considered hazardous to your hearing if you are being exposed to that noise for long periods of time.
I would be very interested to know if Jenny or Alan have partners - and if so, how do they cope?
But back to me. We are off to Melbourne for a long weekend in a few weeks and are sharing a bed! So, I have decided to purchase the Dreamgirl earlplugs.30 decibels of promised noise protection along with a slim fit for my delicate feminine ear canals.
The snorestore gives me more comfort in knowing I'm not alone with my affliction.
So to all those comrades who roll their foam ear plugs then wait for the comforting silence as the foam unfurls with reassuring pops and crackles - I salute you.
The option last weekend was two single beds in a room together. As I may have said, I would actually like to be able to share a bed with my husband and often wonder if it's possible. Could our self imposed nocturnal segregation become an abberation of our misguided, early forties? Well..... it seems not.
The first night was ear plugs in immediately! My husband can fall asleep quickly and - depending on his sleeping position and how tired he is - can begin snoring pretty quickly. I don't hold this against him as I know he would prefer not to snore - it's not something he chooses to do.
Truth be told, in the last few years I have begun to snore a little too. And it mortifies me.
Since my 'light sleeping' began I have searched far and wide to source the best ear plugs this troubled sleeper can get her hands on. Ear plug nirvana was found at snorestore. An online aladin's cave of ear plugs, specifically targetted at people who cannot sleep because of a snoring partner.
I could never had imagined how many ear plugs were available for us of the delicate sleeping constitution. My favourite feature of the website is that many earplugs are listed with the number of decibels they block out. The store also offers ear plugs specifically designed for women, who do tend to be the gender most affected by a snoring partner.
However, I wonder if the Snorestore will ever develop ear plugs for the partners of the following folk.
Jenny Chapman has the honour of being the loudest British female snorer and has been recorded snoring at 111.6 decibels. And another brit - a man called Alan Myatt - has been recorded snoring at 112.8 decibels. To give you a point of comparison any sound over 85 decibels can be considered hazardous to your hearing if you are being exposed to that noise for long periods of time.
I would be very interested to know if Jenny or Alan have partners - and if so, how do they cope?
But back to me. We are off to Melbourne for a long weekend in a few weeks and are sharing a bed! So, I have decided to purchase the Dreamgirl earlplugs.30 decibels of promised noise protection along with a slim fit for my delicate feminine ear canals.
The snorestore gives me more comfort in knowing I'm not alone with my affliction.
So to all those comrades who roll their foam ear plugs then wait for the comforting silence as the foam unfurls with reassuring pops and crackles - I salute you.
05 June 2011
I'm ok, you're ok
In my last post I talked about the people who give me sad and pitiful looks when they hear I don't share a bed, or a bedroom (quelle horreur) with my husband.
I don't think any of my close friends feel that way, but one never knows the truest, innermost feelings of another.
I am bemused that many of these looks are accompanied by a little tilt of the head. I guess the physical gesture assists them in communicating the feelings they have for me. The Centre for Nonverbal Studies says that a head tilt may be used to show friendliness. Maybe these people think the relationship with my husband is so bad that I need more friends?
Another suggestion from the centre is that head tilting is one of several self-protective gestures. So maybe, the thought that their partner might want to sleep apart from them makes them feel under threat and they tilt their head as a pre-emptive pose that will enable them to spring into action in case this might be the reality they are hiding from?
I have actually 'drilled down' to find out the motivation behind the look, but must report that I haven't had any answers that match the above two explanations for this non-verbal behaviour. No-one has invited me back to their place to spend the night in their bed with them and no-one has fled in terror that I might convince their partner to join the cause. And I guess that's the thing about non-verbal cues - often the words that accompany the non-verbals are at odds with each other.
When I get the 'pity tilt' I do get a intrigued about where the conversation is going to lead. Often the 'tilter' tries to encourage me to admit that there must be just a little something wrong with my marriage that I have to take the drastic step of sleeping in a separate room. Maybe it's not something wrong with my marriage, it's a fault in my husband's and mine relationship that we have not admitted to ourselves or to each other, and this is what's driving us apart night after night.
"Don't you miss the cuddles all night?", "How can you not want to snuggle next to your husband, and fall asleep and wake up next to him in the morning?". Well, 'yes' and 'I do'.
Unfortunately, we just can't manage the cuddling and the snuggling, and still get enough hours of sleep every night to then function as normal people. It's really as simple as that. "Don't you miss the intimacy of lying with another person every night and sharing that time together?" (from a tilter). Well no, if it means that I am lying there delirious with sleep deprivation as they snore or roll around the bed and pull covers off me.
Some people can touch their nose with their tongue, some people have a physiology that enables them to become olympic athletes and some people get tingly at the thought of tucking into a juicy quantum physics problem. Point being - humans are all different. And one of my points of difference is that I am a light sleeper, I need sleep to function and I like having my own space to sleep in. I tried to learn to sleep with my husband and had to raise the white flag of surrender early in the relationship.
Regardless of our failure as co-sleepers, I can report quite confidently that the marriage is ok. We have our disagreements, but neither of us has consulted a solicitor yet (as far as I know) and we have some long term plans mapped out for the next ten years.
For me our sleeping arrangement is simply practical. Our marriage has romance, has love, has emotional and physical intimacy - it just doesn't have any spooning in bed.
I'm ok with that, and I hope the tilters are ok too.
I don't think any of my close friends feel that way, but one never knows the truest, innermost feelings of another.
I am bemused that many of these looks are accompanied by a little tilt of the head. I guess the physical gesture assists them in communicating the feelings they have for me. The Centre for Nonverbal Studies says that a head tilt may be used to show friendliness. Maybe these people think the relationship with my husband is so bad that I need more friends?
Another suggestion from the centre is that head tilting is one of several self-protective gestures. So maybe, the thought that their partner might want to sleep apart from them makes them feel under threat and they tilt their head as a pre-emptive pose that will enable them to spring into action in case this might be the reality they are hiding from?
I have actually 'drilled down' to find out the motivation behind the look, but must report that I haven't had any answers that match the above two explanations for this non-verbal behaviour. No-one has invited me back to their place to spend the night in their bed with them and no-one has fled in terror that I might convince their partner to join the cause. And I guess that's the thing about non-verbal cues - often the words that accompany the non-verbals are at odds with each other.
When I get the 'pity tilt' I do get a intrigued about where the conversation is going to lead. Often the 'tilter' tries to encourage me to admit that there must be just a little something wrong with my marriage that I have to take the drastic step of sleeping in a separate room. Maybe it's not something wrong with my marriage, it's a fault in my husband's and mine relationship that we have not admitted to ourselves or to each other, and this is what's driving us apart night after night.
"Don't you miss the cuddles all night?", "How can you not want to snuggle next to your husband, and fall asleep and wake up next to him in the morning?". Well, 'yes' and 'I do'.
Unfortunately, we just can't manage the cuddling and the snuggling, and still get enough hours of sleep every night to then function as normal people. It's really as simple as that. "Don't you miss the intimacy of lying with another person every night and sharing that time together?" (from a tilter). Well no, if it means that I am lying there delirious with sleep deprivation as they snore or roll around the bed and pull covers off me.
Some people can touch their nose with their tongue, some people have a physiology that enables them to become olympic athletes and some people get tingly at the thought of tucking into a juicy quantum physics problem. Point being - humans are all different. And one of my points of difference is that I am a light sleeper, I need sleep to function and I like having my own space to sleep in. I tried to learn to sleep with my husband and had to raise the white flag of surrender early in the relationship.
Regardless of our failure as co-sleepers, I can report quite confidently that the marriage is ok. We have our disagreements, but neither of us has consulted a solicitor yet (as far as I know) and we have some long term plans mapped out for the next ten years.
For me our sleeping arrangement is simply practical. Our marriage has romance, has love, has emotional and physical intimacy - it just doesn't have any spooning in bed.
I'm ok with that, and I hope the tilters are ok too.
30 May 2011
In good company
I try to be very honest about sleeping separately from my husband. I don't go out of my way to advertise it, but also don't pretend that it isn't a reality in my life. While there are many people who do agree that sleeping apart from their partner is a great idea, there are many who look at me with sad eyes, and just a tinge of pity. More about those looks in another post.
So when I hear of another person championing the cause of sleeping apart, I must admit that I do feel supported and buoyed. Such were my feelings at reading this article by Bob Ellis. Bob Ellis is an Australian writer, journalist, film-maker and political commentator, labor party stallwart and generally grumpy looking man. He has always struck me as a gruff old dude - the type who would give a person three minutes to justify why he should speak to them, and be harsh in his judgement of worthiness. This picture from one of his book covers justifies my judgements - at least to me it does.
Well, it turns out that Bob is a separate sleeper too! He recently wrote a great article published on the ABC's The Drum, Opinion.Titled To sleep, perchance to dream, the article talks about Ellis and his wife's decision to sleep apart.
The focus of his article is about the affects a lack of sleep can have on people. The premise of the article resonated with me as I too am particulary bad at decision making without sleep. Turns out, I am in good company (politically, anyway) when it comes to questionable judgement when sleep deprived.
The other aspect that made me feel good about reading the article was that it was a male championing the cause. Most writing on the topic is done by females, often blaming their lack of sleep on a snoring husband. Bob's article dealt with the fundamental issue being faced by people who cannot share a bed - the genuine health issues that can be caused by broken and minimal sleep.
Sue and I have done some research into the health affects of lack of sleep and there is much written about a myriad of issues caused by too little sleep. The weekend paper again referred to the link of childhood obesity to lack of sleep, and the list of other effects is substantial.
So here's to you Bob Ellis - thank you for your honesty and your voice.
So when I hear of another person championing the cause of sleeping apart, I must admit that I do feel supported and buoyed. Such were my feelings at reading this article by Bob Ellis. Bob Ellis is an Australian writer, journalist, film-maker and political commentator, labor party stallwart and generally grumpy looking man. He has always struck me as a gruff old dude - the type who would give a person three minutes to justify why he should speak to them, and be harsh in his judgement of worthiness. This picture from one of his book covers justifies my judgements - at least to me it does.
Well, it turns out that Bob is a separate sleeper too! He recently wrote a great article published on the ABC's The Drum, Opinion.Titled To sleep, perchance to dream, the article talks about Ellis and his wife's decision to sleep apart.
The focus of his article is about the affects a lack of sleep can have on people. The premise of the article resonated with me as I too am particulary bad at decision making without sleep. Turns out, I am in good company (politically, anyway) when it comes to questionable judgement when sleep deprived.
The other aspect that made me feel good about reading the article was that it was a male championing the cause. Most writing on the topic is done by females, often blaming their lack of sleep on a snoring husband. Bob's article dealt with the fundamental issue being faced by people who cannot share a bed - the genuine health issues that can be caused by broken and minimal sleep.
Sue and I have done some research into the health affects of lack of sleep and there is much written about a myriad of issues caused by too little sleep. The weekend paper again referred to the link of childhood obesity to lack of sleep, and the list of other effects is substantial.
So here's to you Bob Ellis - thank you for your honesty and your voice.
24 May 2011
The visitor effect - Part 3 (cats ahoy)
This will be the final post about the visitor effect - the visitors have now gone. But an interesting aspect of sleeping next door needs to be told.
Even though I don't share my bed with another human, I do share it with two cats. They are called Maddie and Lyla. They are sister, tiger tabbies, who often like to share a sleeping space. More often than not the girls sleep with me - not every night, and not always both of them. The cooler months often have Maddie requesting refuge under the doona in the wee hours of the morning, but Lyla always keeps herself above the covers.
I like that my cats like to sleep with me. I think they chose me more often than my husband because I am a calmer sleeper. We all pick our spots and tend to stay there for the night. The arrangement works well for us all.
However, Lyla was none too pleased when I went next door. As a brief background, Lyla does spend some time next door, but usually during the day, or if we are next door for dinner, she will come for a visit. Her antics when we are over there are quite entertaining - for both us and our neighbours - and fortunately the neighbours don't mind her coming in to the house.
After turning off the lights on the second night I was next door, Lyla came to the front door of the house and began to demand entry. Being the sucker that I am, she only had to carry on for 10 mins before I let her in. Upon entry to the bedroom she jumped up on the bed, padded around, and promptly fell asleep. And there she stayed until the morning.
So for four nights of the six when I was extreme sleeping, Lyla did some extreme sleeping next door too.
Even though I don't share my bed with another human, I do share it with two cats. They are called Maddie and Lyla. They are sister, tiger tabbies, who often like to share a sleeping space. More often than not the girls sleep with me - not every night, and not always both of them. The cooler months often have Maddie requesting refuge under the doona in the wee hours of the morning, but Lyla always keeps herself above the covers.
I like that my cats like to sleep with me. I think they chose me more often than my husband because I am a calmer sleeper. We all pick our spots and tend to stay there for the night. The arrangement works well for us all.
However, Lyla was none too pleased when I went next door. As a brief background, Lyla does spend some time next door, but usually during the day, or if we are next door for dinner, she will come for a visit. Her antics when we are over there are quite entertaining - for both us and our neighbours - and fortunately the neighbours don't mind her coming in to the house.
After turning off the lights on the second night I was next door, Lyla came to the front door of the house and began to demand entry. Being the sucker that I am, she only had to carry on for 10 mins before I let her in. Upon entry to the bedroom she jumped up on the bed, padded around, and promptly fell asleep. And there she stayed until the morning.
So for four nights of the six when I was extreme sleeping, Lyla did some extreme sleeping next door too.
Fighting for space on the bed.
18 May 2011
The visitor effect - Part 2 (or extreme separate sleeping)
I have told many people about my house-hopping bed solution for the last week. I must admit that I enjoy the range of reactions that any story about sleeping separately to my husband evokes. The latest configuration of sleeping arrangements has, I believe, been viewed as a bit extreme.
Of all the times I have explained the decision, there were three memorable reactions of and extended silence, coupled with just the slightest cocking of the head to the side. Who knows whether the three people's thoughts were a quizzical reaction, or plain boredom listening to me go on about my need to have a bed to myself.
I too, have pondered whether the arrangement was a bit extreme and should I have just 'sucked it up' and shared a bed. Obviously, my ponderings led me back to the conclusion that the bed next door was the better decision - extreme as it may have been. I always come back to my (and my husband's) need to get a solid night's sleep. The world is a better place for it - I promise. And if this means heading to the next door neighbour's for a week, then so be it.
When it comes to meeting basic needs, humans do become extreme. I don't need to bore you with all sorts of obvious examples, but just think of all the strange places that people do sleep. Personally, I can't understand how people sleep on public transport. The fear of missing my stop is so overwhelming that I will always stay wide awake, looking in wonder at sleeping commuters, wondering if they have just passed their house and are going to wake up at a bus terminal many kilometres away from where they live. Sleeping in a public place also scares me in case I wake up with my cheek in a puddle of drool, with all around me whispering to each other because I have been snoring so loudly.
There is a blog that is dedicated to asians sleeping in libraries (http://asianssleepinginthelibrary.tumblr.com/). Again.... an extreme sleeping choice, and one that possibly makes my choice look quite pedestrian.
To cater for the visitor effect in the future we do plan to build a new room on our house. The plans have not yet materialised into a room - but at least we have a plan. Until then, I remain grateful to my neighbours who generously offered me the bed and were so kind to me. My extreme sleeping is over for now.
End note: I must note how very, very lucky I am to have such fantastic neighbours. This would not be something many people would have access to, faced with the same situation in which I found myself. Brian and Lesley are outstanding people. An added bonus to sleeping next door was the comfort level of the neighbour's spare room bed. Outstanding! The bed is an old brass bed with a super comfy mattress, flanelette sheets (for winter of course) and a puffy, feather doona.
Of all the times I have explained the decision, there were three memorable reactions of and extended silence, coupled with just the slightest cocking of the head to the side. Who knows whether the three people's thoughts were a quizzical reaction, or plain boredom listening to me go on about my need to have a bed to myself.
I too, have pondered whether the arrangement was a bit extreme and should I have just 'sucked it up' and shared a bed. Obviously, my ponderings led me back to the conclusion that the bed next door was the better decision - extreme as it may have been. I always come back to my (and my husband's) need to get a solid night's sleep. The world is a better place for it - I promise. And if this means heading to the next door neighbour's for a week, then so be it.
When it comes to meeting basic needs, humans do become extreme. I don't need to bore you with all sorts of obvious examples, but just think of all the strange places that people do sleep. Personally, I can't understand how people sleep on public transport. The fear of missing my stop is so overwhelming that I will always stay wide awake, looking in wonder at sleeping commuters, wondering if they have just passed their house and are going to wake up at a bus terminal many kilometres away from where they live. Sleeping in a public place also scares me in case I wake up with my cheek in a puddle of drool, with all around me whispering to each other because I have been snoring so loudly.
There is a blog that is dedicated to asians sleeping in libraries (http://asianssleepinginthelibrary.tumblr.com/). Again.... an extreme sleeping choice, and one that possibly makes my choice look quite pedestrian.
To cater for the visitor effect in the future we do plan to build a new room on our house. The plans have not yet materialised into a room - but at least we have a plan. Until then, I remain grateful to my neighbours who generously offered me the bed and were so kind to me. My extreme sleeping is over for now.
End note: I must note how very, very lucky I am to have such fantastic neighbours. This would not be something many people would have access to, faced with the same situation in which I found myself. Brian and Lesley are outstanding people. An added bonus to sleeping next door was the comfort level of the neighbour's spare room bed. Outstanding! The bed is an old brass bed with a super comfy mattress, flanelette sheets (for winter of course) and a puffy, feather doona.
A fine alternative to my own bed.
17 May 2011
The visitor effect - Part 1
I am returning to my own bed tonight after a week of sleeping at the neighbours. My husband's mother and aunty have been visiting from overseas and having to accommodate two extra guests meant there were no free rooms at our Inn. Solution.... use the spare bed at the neighbours. Fortunately I have wonderful neighbours who offered me their spare room.
Must admit though that I am seriously looking forward to my own bed. There are many aspects of the last week I would like to share and plan to do so. But tonight, my electric blanket and 1000 thread count, egyptian cotton sheets await me.
Night, night.
Must admit though that I am seriously looking forward to my own bed. There are many aspects of the last week I would like to share and plan to do so. But tonight, my electric blanket and 1000 thread count, egyptian cotton sheets await me.
Night, night.
10 May 2011
Space for one
As the nights become cooler I am loving slipping into my bed warmed to toasty proportions by my electric blanket. While in the room next door, my lovely husband sleeps in his somewhat colder bed. Such are the luxuries of sleeping in separate rooms.
Welcome to our blog - dedicated to the celebration of sleeping separately.
We are two women who passionately believe that sleeping separately from your partner - and in our cases, our husbands - does not define a successful relationship.
We hope to share our thoughts, advice and stories about our experiences of sleeping in separate rooms. We welcome any and all feedback and comments.
Jenny
Welcome to our blog - dedicated to the celebration of sleeping separately.
We are two women who passionately believe that sleeping separately from your partner - and in our cases, our husbands - does not define a successful relationship.
We hope to share our thoughts, advice and stories about our experiences of sleeping in separate rooms. We welcome any and all feedback and comments.
Jenny
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