Can I quote you on that.....

Quotation, n.: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Do you have a favourite quote? A saying, or three, by which you live your life and explain away certain actions or decisions? It may, or may not surprise you to learn that there are many quotes about sleeping. In fact, there are pages and pages on the internet - and I haven't even considered looking through books of quotes (don't know if their index will be thorough and swift as Google).

I am using two types of quotes in my book. More formal quotes that capture a particular theme or message of a chaper, and then the quotes of the various people I am interviewing or discovering on blogs and chat rooms.

I thought I would share some of my favourite quotes to date. I shalln't give reasons for the inclusion of each one - suffice to say they have tickled my fancy and pricked my interest for a variety of reasons. I offer them here for consideration and enlightenment.

“All this fuss about sleeping together.

For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day”.

Evelyn Waugh

“If you didn't know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you'd seen”

George Carlin

"Roll, twist, struggle, kick, fuss, sigh" Anonymous

"I think there’s something wrong. Her parents aren’t sleeping in the same bed anymore."
Gretchen Wieners, “Mean Girls”

"While I understand that my husband needs to go to the toilet during the night, must the activity involve the broken waterfall effect, a couple of farts and that much sighing?."   Sue, married 12 years

"It’s one of life’s little luxuries." (comment about farting in bed)

Ross, 42, Draftsman
 

“Sleep is my drug of choice”, Tanlee

The list we need to talk about....

I am feeling all smug and boastful at the moment after the female of a couple who recently stayed with us conceded that sleeping with her partner was not what she really wanted to be doing any more. The plans for her alternate existence involved having her own room where she wasn't interrupted by the short, sharp, but loud and repetitive snorts her husband emitted every night - some nights, louder and more often than others.

She explained to me though that it was what they were expected to do as they were married - they are in their late 60s.

This lady shared that she believed her partner would be most upset, because of the perceived rejection, if she were to suggest they sleep separately. She then, very quickly, followed this up with a well-rehearsed explanation that went something like "even though his snoring keeps me awake at night, it's so special to know that he is there next to me and when we wake next to each other and can lie and chat in bed, it makes all those sleepless nights seem worthwhile".

I do get that part of sleeping together, but the longing look on her face when she spoke about sleeping in her own bed belied the propaganda overtones of her generation's spiel.

As I have stated before, and will continue to do so, I am not anti bed-sharing. I am honestly jealous of those couples who get enough quality sleep each night in the company of their loved one. However, I feel dismay in equal proportions for those people who subject themselves to night after night of broken sleep for the sake of a social construct.

So while there is much that is warm, fuzzy and wonderful (low grade, blatant sarcasm noted by self) about sharing a bed, I put to you readers the list of what can go wrong.

I am supremely confident that I have not captured all the issues faced by couples who undertake the treacherous task of sleeping with each other, and invite anyone so inclined to add to the list either by comment or by email to me. Any new 'issues' will be included in the book.

This list is in no particular order; it includes both in-bed issues and what I call issued 'around' sleeping; some of the issues are ones that we don't really like to talk about (see the last three); and some are specific to a particular time in your life.

However, they are all behaviours or situations that can keep one or both people in the same bed from sleeping, and when they occur night after night, after night, after night....... you have to wonder.

Well, I do.

1. Snoring
2. Movement by partner
3. Sleeping with kids
4. Sleeping with pets
5. Loud breathing
6. Differing temperature needs
7. Getting up in the night to go to the toilet, get a drink, have a wander….
8. Reading in bed – lights on, noise of pages turning
9. Using computer, phone or other device in bed
10. Eating in bed
11. Watching TV in bed
12. Level of sound in the room
13. Level of light in the room
14. How you are woken – device for waking and the level of noise
15. The size of the bed
16. The firmness of the bed
17. Who gets to sleep on which side of the bed
18. Sheet textures
19. Amount and size of pillows
20. Differing sleep positions
21. To cuddle or not to cuddle
22. Teeth grinding
23. Sweating
24. Waking from dreams and nightmares
25. Going to bed angry
26. Sleep walking
27. Sleep talking
28. Insomnia
29. Illness – temporary or long term
30. Sleeping in the nude
31. Farting
32. Sleeping in the wet spot

Are there more? Please add to the list if you can.

I'm glad we got to share.

Heating things up between the sheets

While my blog is focussed on separate sleeping, I do acknowledge and celebrate those couples who happily, and even blissfully sleep in the same bed night after night.
I used to do it too. But those days are long gone.

While some couples 'sleeping planets' align perfectly and they can lie next to each other in perfect harmony, some do still have small niggles that need some attention. The temperature of the bed is a very common niggle. But fear not - there are companies out there that have heard the call.

(Disclaimer: this is not a comprehensively researched blog entry and there may indeed be companies that have a similar solution, but not a cheesey video, so I didn't include them)

First there's CosyCool adjustable duvets (doonas). The company's video to describe how their 'solution works' wasn't quite as entertaining as they may have intended it to be, but it gets the message across.

Maybe there's just not that much money in tog-adjustable duvets (doonas) and CosyCool hasn't been able to really sink some big bucks into an advertising campaign as yet.

Then there's the Twovet - the duvet for two who brush off the suggestion of sleeping apart to solve temperature problems - herecy!

Another solution that I can offer is to purchase two differently weighted single duvets (doonas) and enjoying your own bed clothing that can't be wrenched from you in a dramatic rolling manouvre during the night.

While the solution does not make for a very interesing product or possibly a great video. It's simple and doesn't require an overseas purchase.

If social modesty inhibits such a brash display of individualism, may I suggest a cover is strategically placed over the single doonas to give the illusion of togetherness.

So once again planets can align, and mars and venus can lie peacefully next to each other.